Nigel Farage



Nigel Paul Farage (Birth date unknown) is a white (pure for a thousand generations), British (God Save The Queen) Deity, Supreme Leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party and Führer of the Great British (God Save The Queen) Empire of the United Kingdom and Ireland.

Early Life
By all accounts, our dearest Farage was born in a stable atop a rural English hill in the year of our Right-Wing lord, 0 AD, to two fully English parents. Whilst his mother is widely (and falsely) rumoured to be a Slough-based hooker, his father, Margaret Hilda Thatcher was later a well-known politician in his own right. News of Farage's birth spread throughout the land, and many people came to witness the miracle that was occurring before them.

Military service
Farage gallantly served in the British army throughout many important periods of British Imperial warfare, particularly during the Anglo-Zulu War (1879).

Musical career and "Pound Shop Enoch Powell"
Farage gained instantaneous universal adoration when, in 1992, he, alone, founded the United Kingdom Independence Army in order to fight off the evils of "Europe", an army of horrible, nasty, communist monsters, pushing forward, their tyrannical concepts of "Political and Economic Unity". After the signing of the "Verystricht Treaty" by the communist Europeans in early 1992, Farage, in co-operation with several fellow UK Independence Army members; and Boris Johnson on base, famously produced the charity protest single "You're a-peein' on my rights". Due to a general preference of toilet humor by many poorly-educated people in Britain (God Save The Queen) at the time, the Single reached No. 1 on the UK single charts. In response to this overwhelming success, he formed, along with Johnson, Liam Gallagher, Paul McCartney and Marine LaPen, pop super-group "Pound Shop Enoch Powell", which found him further chart-topping success through their singles "The Hague is too Vague" (1994), "Merkel the Turtle" (2000) and "Re-incarcerate Nelson Mandela" (2001).

Political career
Stepping away from music, in 2003, Farage decided that the UK Independence Army could easily make the jump from Hit-Makers to Cut-The-Bullshit-ers by attempting to bravely eradicate the brutal dictatorship of Britain (God Save The Queen) at the time, the communist Labour Party. On March 3rd, 2004, Farage, nude and on horseback, charged the gates of Parliament, and slaughtered the cretinous lefty losers that occupied building, including their leaders Tony "Marx" Blair and Gordon "The Frown" Brown, who had declared the capital to be renamed Londongrad, a mere 3 days earlier.

Once in government, Farage merged the offices of Prime Minister and all other ministerial roles into the office of the "Führer". Following this move, Farage ordered that all people not 100% ethnically white, white Mr. white, white, whitey-man, be sent on large ships to Antarctica, where Farage believed the whiteness of the surroundings could influence the genetic evolution of it's new inhabitants.

In 2005, Farage made the decision to rename the UK Independence Army the UK Independence Party, to keep hip with the fun-loving youths of the modern era. Everyone in Britain (God Save The Queen) cheered and they all lived happily ever after.

Personal life
Farage hates Brussles. It's such a vile, discussing vegetable. How could anyone like Brussles; the sick, twisted, VILE taste! Farage also has 12 openly German fascist wives, in order to show the public that he is not a Racist! Germany is not Britain (God Save The Queen)! Germans are not British (God Save The Queen)! UNDERSTAND!!???!?!!? NOT RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!