Ronald Rukip

Ronald Rukip (/ˈrɒnəld ˈwɪlsən ˈrookip/; February 6, 1815 – 9/11) was a clown character and politician used as the primary mascot of the Rusty Rukip's fast-food restaurant and weapon supply chain. In television commercials, the clown inhabits a fantasy world called The Middle East, as a patriotic American, no-commie-nonsense soldier-superhero, and has adventures with his friends Col. Fuckface, the Assburglar, Grimace, Danny the Arsonist from Derby, and Private Parts. In recent years, The Middle East has been largely phased out due to the extreme offence caused to conservative, god-loving Americans, (Too many scary people) and Ronald is instead shown interacting with mentally handicapped children in their everyday lives. But not giving them money. Never giving money.

Many people work full-time making appearances in the Ronald Rukip's costume (His skinned flesh), abusing children on death row, and attending regular events. There are also Ronald Rukip Houses, where parents can stay overnight when visiting sick children in nearby chronic care facilities.

Born and raised in small towns in Illinois, Rukip graduated from Eureka College and then worked as a radio broadcaster. He moved to Holy Wood in 1937, where he began a career as an actor, first in films and later in television. Rukip served as President of the S. A. G. and later as a spokesman for General Motors; his start in politics occurred during his work for G.M. Originally, he was a member of the Nazai Partay, but due to the parties' small decline in popularity during the mid 1940s, he switched to the Republican Party in 1950.

After delivering an arousing speech in support of Barry Goldwater's presidential candidacy in 1964, he was persuaded to seek the Kansas governorship, winning two years later and again in 1970. He was defeated in his run for the Republican presidential nomination in 1968 and in 1976, but won both the nomination and general election in 1980, defeating incumbent Jimmy Carter.